90210 recap: It's a jungle in here
There are a lot of things we don't miss about high school -- one of them being held hostage by our hormones and therefore incapable of dealing with stress in a functional way. Last night's 90210 reminded us very firmly of that. Drugs, sex and violence are never the answer, but they sure can be a hell of a lot of fun.
I want you to want me
Naomi is up a creek with her crush on Max -- she likes a nerd and there's nothing she can do about it. To make matters worse, he turns out to be a very supportive friend by encouraging her not to give up on her dream college and by saving her charity photo shoot after "Mr. July" spills tanning oil all over her computer, frying the saved shots. And since Naomi is the kind of gal that takes what she wants, when she wants it, she jumps Max in the photo studio. Hilariously, she gets humble pie all over her face when Max turns her down.
Meanwhile, Emily is systematically dismantling Annie's life in all sorts of horrible ways that we'll get into later, and tries to perform the coup de grâce by seducing Liam. Her hastiness to bring down Annie alone should be ringing some alarm bells, but then, Liam's not really here to think.
Read on for weed cookies!
More things about pot, pots and kettles
Ivy is generally bummed out about surfing and Dixon, so she takes to self-medicating with pot and cartoons. Why this is a shock to Laurel we'll never know, who obviously has had some high times herself and has raised her daughter in a free-wheeling lifestyle. However, we are glad the show owned up to that fact with Ivy using Laurel's paraphernalia.
Laurel tells her daughter to stop illegally self-medicating, so Ivy visits a doctor to start legally medicating, and hops on down to her local pharmacy/head shop. After getting tricked out of buying some delicious pot cookies, she befriends her trickster and UCLA student Raj, who then takes her to relive that iconic "Wayne's World" airplane scene but without the awesome jokes or Mirthmobile.
Who doesn't love double entendre nightclubs?
The guys are perfectly willing to accept Teddy as their gay pal, but having him around while they ogle volleyball jockettes is another story. After Silver finds Teddy wandering the halls like a kicked puppy, she goes and gives the bros a talking-to. The guys make amends by taking Teddy to a gay club, convincing us that the boys on this show are better friends to each other than the girls will ever be. Plus, we got to see Roxbury twins Navid and Dixon breaking it down at Mandate. Classic.
Speaking of a need for self-medication...
...Emily seriously needs to take a Valium or something, because going from golden haired angel to life-destroying succubus this fast is cause for medical psychological concern. Let's recap... no, wait, we're doing that already. Let's recap recap: So far Emily has convinced Annie's (extremely gullible!) friends that Annie thinks they're shallow and she's picking on Emily, has convinced Liam that Annie emotionally abuses her at home, has convinced the cast at Annie's theater that Annie has some sort of grudge against her, and has gotten Annie fired from her internship, driving Annie to tear at Emily in the lunchroom like a hyena at a dead wildebeest, further resulting in a three-day suspension. This all gets followed up by the aforementioned Liam seduction bid, in which Emily breaks into his place and slips on one of his shirts...and nothing else. We're not dudes, but we're going to assume that's more terrifying than sexy.
Also, Annie, you're stupid. You wait to attack Emily until she gets home where there are fewer witnesses! Der.
This is why we hate reality television
Because they star people like Adrianna. Ade's pilot gets turned down when Navid refuses to sign a release form, as the producers think that Ade isn't dramatic enough. Since she apparently has nothing better to do, she decides to re-commit herself to finding Navid's slice-on-the-side, which drives Silver to talk to Navid. She convinces him to sign the release form, getting Ade her show back, but the sequins really hit the fan when Ade sees Silver wearing the "other woman's" earring in the pilot footage. Judging by her effortless dispatch of Annie in the first season, we'd ordinarily be scared for Silver, but we think Ade has lost more than your average amount of brain cells since then. Maybe she used to store them in her bangs.
All in all, it was a pretty dramatic episode, Ade's producers be damned! What did you all think? Will Annie be able to bring down Emily and restore her good name? Will Naomi get to have hot Na'vi (yes, we've all seen the promotional photos) sex with Max? Will Dixon and Navid make it out of Mandate alive after busting out those...um...killer... dance moves? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Max: Everything's as right as a 90 degree angle.
(Quick point: Naomi dreamed this, so she actually made it up...)
Naomi: Thank god for hemorrhoid cream.
Guidance counselor: ...excuse me?
Navid: Ade's like a baby. We just need to give her something new and shiny to obsess over.
Laurel: When did this start?
Ivy: Please, I've always liked cartoons.
Laurel: I mean the pot.
Naomi: Ivy, it's not a guy, jeez. It's Latin.
Ivy: Honestly, I didn't know there was such a thing as pot barbecue sauce...
Naomi: Annie's gone feral!
Ivy: Look at that, the cookie thief is a stalker.
Raj: I prefer cookie out-witter.
Ivy: Isn't it crazy that the subway is...like...underground?
(Way to bust out of that pot-head stereotype, Ivy)
Silver: Just....flex something.
Navid: What's a "bear" again?
Bar guy: Would you like a drink?
Liam: I'm out of here.
Bar guy: Guess not.
Navid: Recovering alcoholic.
Naomi: I can't join the chess club! A: It's too nerdy and B: I don't know how to play chess.
Model: Hey Naomi, what were you saying about me being hot?
Naomi: Umm....hold that thought.
Model: What thought?
Max: I'm sorry Naomi, you're just not my type.
Naomi: But...I'm everyone's type...
Final Thoughts
- Hey, Annie's friends: Remember last year when none of you believed Annie and you all turned out to be wrong? Yeah, we thought not.
- Ade, a reality series is not a career. It's an excuse for one.
- It's been a few years since we've applied for college, but we're fairly certain midway through your senior year is a bit late to affect the application process.
- Any kind of weed pastry does not work that fast...so we've heard.
- Why don't the underage high school boys have to wait in line at Mandate and everyone else does?
- Annie's face and thumbs-up in Ade's opening credits are amazing.